The One with Phoebe's Psychic
by Kessieisme
Summary: Ross has some news for Phoebe, Her psychic's dead. So naturally Joey and Phoebe embark on a trip to find a new one. Meanwhile Rachel does Ross a favour, and Chandler has one of his dumber ideas.
1. The one with Phoebe's Psychic Opening

**A/N Okey, so this is my first Friends fanfic, so please review ;) It's written in script version i hope that's okey. **

**If you would like me to continue it and make it a full episode let me know.**

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**The One with Phoebe's Psychic. **

_(Evening time, everyone is in the big apartment involved in some kind of activity.) _

**Monica: **_(cleaning the television.) _**I don't care!**

**Joey: **_(Trying to watch the television.) _**But Mon, I can't see.. **_(In a whiny voice.) _**Besides if you clean that thing anymore there'll be sparks flying from it! **_(Monica Glares at him.)_

**Joey: ****(**_shrinking back in fear a little.) _**But then they say cleanliness is next to…**_(Frown's trying to remember the saying.) _

**Ross: **_(Not looking up from his paper) _**It's Godliness Joe.**

**Joey: **_(Laughs at Ross's words.) _**Ross please, Cleaning has nothing to do with religion. **_(He laughs, Including the rest of the group, in Ross's humiliation, Not noticing that he is the only one laughing.)_

**Ross: **_(deciding not to even bother explaining to Joey, Turn's to phoebe.) _**Hey Pheebs, Wasn't your Psychic's name Madam Zouche? **

**Phoebe: **_(stops staring at the biscuit in her hand and sits fully up.)_

**Oh My god Ross! How did you know that? **_(She asks seeming to be in genuine awe.) _

**Ross: **_(frowning.) _**You told me. **_(He says almost as if he is asking her.)_

**Phoebe: **_(Slumping back down seeming disappointed.)_** Oh, right. I just thought that maybe.. You know, you had 'the gift.' **_(She says the last part dramatically.)_

**Ross: **_(Half smiling.) _**Well I can see now how easily your psychic convinces you to give her twenty five dollars a session for a load of Boohockey. **_(He mocks Phoebe sounding amused. And ignoring the inquisitive looks he got at the word Boohockey.)_

**Phoebe: **_(Standing up in a temper and pointing a finger at Ross.) _**Hey! Just because you don't believe in something, it doesn't make it wrong or untrue!****Just because you can't explain it with your scientific ways…You know your cups and beakers and.. Dinosaur bones, It doesn't make it fictional, You….You…Non-believer!**

**Ross: ****I'm Sorry Phoebe It's just..**_ (Phoebe cuts across him, before he can finish)_

**Phoebe: ****No, No you're not sorry! **_(She lectures.)_**But you will be when you die a horrible karmic death, for knocking someone's beliefs! **

**Ross:**** That's not what Karma is about Pheebs. **_(Ross replies a little nervously.) _

**Phoebe: ****Oh and what would you know about it Mr I-Don't-Believe-In-Anything-that -Can't-Be-Proved-With-Books!**

**You know, this same thing happened to my room mate Denise! She had a friend who knocked this other woman's beliefs, and that same night, BAM! **_(She exclaims Clapping her hands and making Joey jump.)_** He died, And the woman's psychic went on to win three medals for fortune telling!**

**Ross: **_(Looking at phoebe sceptically.) _**That didn't happen did it Pheebs? **_(He asks as though speaking to a toddler.) _

**Phoebe: ****See there you go again, Non-believer. **_(She jeers as she grabs her coat.) _

**You know, I just look forward to when Madame Zouche wins her medals! **_(She shouts back at Ross as she walks out of the apartment, Slamming the door behind her.)_

**Joey: ****wow! I never knew people got so worked up about their beliefs. **_(He pauses for a second before turning to Ross.) _**Hey listen man, I am so sorry about earlier, with the cleanliness Godliness thing, You have the right to believe whatever you want!**_ (He leans back exhaling before noticing the inquisitive, yet amused look on Rachel's face from the chair she is relaxed in.) _**What? **_(He say's leaning towards her slightly.) _**I don't wanna die!**

**Monica: **_(Finally stepping back from the television to admire how clean it is, Before turning to Ross, looking curious,) _**Hey, Why did you brink up Madame Zouche anyway? **_(She asks, her arms folded.)_

**Ross:**_ (Now looking at his paper again, looks up.) _**Oh, It's just… It say's here she's dead.**

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_( Opening theme music.)_


	2. The one with Phoebe's psychic Part 1

**The one with Phoebe's psychic (Part 1)**

_(__The next day. Ross, Monica, Joey and Rachel are in the apartment playing Cluedo.)_

**Ross:**_(Sighs before trying once more to explain the rules to Joey.) _**No, No Joey, It's not a room decorating contest!** _(He say's taking the candlestick away from him.)_

**Joey: ****It's not?**_ ( He asks sounding shocked and disappointed.) _**But I thought you had to get the most decorations in your room, and then all the mini people would come to your room to party, coz it's the coolest. **_(He smiles, as he makes Prof Plum dance around in the kitchen.) _

**Monica: **_(Laughs along fakely with Joey) _**Haha.. Yeah that's good. But it's not! **_(She say's snatching the piece of Joey) _**And he goes here! **_(She tells him placing it back on it's square) _**Okay? **

**Joey: **_(Slightly scared.) _**Okay….Now Ross, tell us who murdered the guy already so we can play the game! **_(The whole gang sigh, and fall back into their chairs as Joey looks at the murder cards.)_

_**(Chandler Enters.)**_

**Chandler: ****Hello Children. **_(He greets them, throwing his coat on the table.) _

**Monica: **_(Noticing the 'coat throw' and getting angry.) _**Um, Chandler!**

**Chandler: **_(looks down at the coat and steps back dramatically.) _**Oh dear god! **_(He gasps sarcastically.) _**Everyone take cover, It's gonna' blow! **_(Rachel laughs slightly as Chandler mockingly covers his head.) _**Oh wait no.. **_(He says, standing up with a frown.) _**It's a coat!**

**Monica: **_(Standing up in a temper.) _**And what do we do with coats? **_(She asks him, her arms folded.) _

**Ross: ****We wear them? **_(He offers, smiling.)_

**Monica: ****Ok Fine. **_(Monica laughs angrily, as she walks over towards the coat.) _**You can all make fun of me**_ (She lectures.) _**But you know what?**_ (She asks as she picks up the coat.) _

**Chandler: **_(Grinning) _**You're gonna cut the blue wire instead of the red wire? **_(He laughs, walking over to the fridge.) _

_**(Scene cuts to just Monica and Chandler, as they whisper to each other in the kitchen, whilst the others 'attempt' Cluedo again.) **_

**Monica: **_(Hangs up coat, and advances towards him.) _**Chandler! **_(She exclaims in her 'quietest' voice.) _**What did we talk about last night? **

**Chandler: **_(Appearing from inside the fridge, holding a chicken wing.) _**You know, just for the record, I don't think sexual noises count as a conversation. **_(He tells her smiling and taking a bite of the chicken wing.) _

**Monica: **_(Rolling her eyes.) _**After the sex! **

**Chandler: ****Mon, we didn't talk afterwards.. **_(He says smiling) _**Oh wait…No, I'm getting a memory. **_(He went on) _**We talked about how you and Phoebe kissed. **_(He says bluntly.) _**And how you wondered if I was ok with it. **_(He explains stroking her arm.) _**And then, remember, Phoebe came in ..and…**

**Monica: ****You fell asleep didn't you? **

**Chandler: ****….No.**

**Monica: ****Chandler! I can't believe you! **_(She shouts, attracting the attention of the rest of the gang.)_

**Chandler: **_(Glares at her.)_

**Monica:**_ (noticed them, and squirms a little before making up an end to the sentence.) _**You can't eat chicken! **_(She says snatching it from him.) _**You have a pet chic!**

_**(Phoebe enters.) **_

**Phoebe: **_(Hangs up coat, and slumps down in the chair by the kitchen table.) _**Ugh, it's so exhausting looking for a new psychic. **

**Monica: ****Oh Pheebs. **_( Says Monica as she walks over and strokes her hair.) _

**Chandler: **_(Watching her.) _**Heh heh heh.**

**Monica: **_(Glares at Chandler, he then stops and walks nonchalantly toward the others, and their Cluedo game.) _**Well, Pheebs, if there was anything I could do..**

**Phoebe: **_(Immediately) _**Ooh! Well you know, you could come with me, Coz well, I hate getting regressed on my own.**_ (She says waving a hand.) _

**Rachel: **_(From the sitting area.) _**Regressed, Honey.. I thought you were looking for a psychic?**

**Phoebe: ****I am…But you know, I can't trust my psychic unless she can regress me! **_(She explains with a small laugh, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.) _

_**(There's a small silence)**_

**Rachel: ****Ok, help us out here Pheebs. **_(she say's confused.) _

**Phoebe:**** Well a psychic has to be able to see your past in order to see your future, I mean you can't **_**always **_**go forward, You know, Like a … a..**_(She pauses as she tries to think of a suitable example.) _

**Joey: **_(clicks his fingers.) _**Like a shark.**

_**(There is a small silence.) **_

**Rachel: ****….Ok, help us out here Joe.**

**Joey: ****Sharks can only go forwards. **_(He tells them, his eyebrows raised.) _

_**(The gang pause for a second before all turning, in unison, to face Ross, to see whether this is true or not.)**_

**Ross: **_(In a paused position of placing the lead piping in the dining room.) _**Actually..Yeah, He's right.**

_**(The whole gang now turn in unison, to look at Joey, wondering how he knew this.) **_

**Joey: **_(Looking smug.) _**Yup. Not just a pretty face. **_(he says, tapping his head.) _

_**(Still a pause) **_

**Joey: **_(Sits back.) _**I read it on a cereal box ok.**

**Ross: ****What cereal box?**

**Joey: **_(Smiles, as though reminiscing.) _**Captain Crunch.**

**Phoebe: ****Right, Ok then, So who wants to come with me? **_(She asks, getting excited again.)_

**Chandler: **_(Standing up)_**Oooh, I'm afraid that's not really my area Pheebs, I've already been regressed. **_(He tells her through a stiff smile.) _

**Monica: ****Oh yeah? **_(She asks with a grin.) _**Who were you?**

**Chandler: ****Oh, actually I don't wanna talk about it. **_( He say's wincing at the memory.)_

**Phoebe: ****Oh come on Chandler, I've heard it all before. **

**Joey: **_(Giggles before beginning to reveal.) _**He found out he was a …. **_(Chandler cuts him off)_

**Chandler: ****No..N..No, No, NO! **_(He says to Joey pointing a finger and shaking his head) _**We swore, we would never speak of this again!**

**Joey: **_(Pauses and looks at Chandler, like a child might do before it's about to be mighty.) _**He was….**

**Chandler: **_(Shouting) _**HE WAS THE KING OF EVERYTHING, AND EVERYONE… FETCHED HIS SHOES AND..**_(He rants as he walks to the door.) _**HE NEVER HAD ANOTHER NOSE BLEED AGAIN, AND LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER! **_(He shouts before leaving, and slamming the door.)_

_**(The group all look at Joey.) **_

**Joey: ****He was a eunuch **_(He tells them nodding.)_

**Phoebe: ****Yeah, you know I always **_**knew**_** I could sense..You know **_**Something! **_

**Rachel: ****Well I would come Pheebs, but psychics and all that, just creep me out. **_ (She tells them, as she grabs a magazine and gets comfy.) _

**Joey: **_(Turns to look at Phoebe.) _**I'll come. **_(He tells her with a grin.) _

**Phoebe: ****Ok! **_(She exclaims standing up)_** Oh this will be so much fun! **_(She says, putting on her coat.) _**Ok Joe, I have to go now, coz well I have to go and make fun of Chandler, But we'll got tomorrow. **_(She says before leaving.) _

**Monica: ****Aww, that's sweet of you to help Phoebe out like that. **_(She compliments him, smiling.) _

**Joey: ****Yeah well she's a friend. **_(He says solemnly.) _**Besides, this psychics probably hot! **_(He says leaning back and grinning.) _

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_**End of part 1.**_

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**A/N Yaay :) Chapter two is up. I hope you people's like it, it took me a while...As you probably know. **

**Thank you's are owed for reviews to Olivesan SamaireHilton and 1234567..Whoever you are x)) **


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